I’m in the middle of my finals and I have a paper early in the morning tomorrow, what am I doing here blogging this nonsensical contemplations that have little value to everyone but me.
I’m trying to articulate what it feels like to have a thousand different emotions and thoughts running wildly in your mind. I guess everyone feels this way at one point or the other and I happen to feel it a lot, I’m just someone who thinks a lot.
I asked someone a while ago, “What do you think it is that makes us humans?”
And my answer then was compassion, but he answered me that elephants can be sad when their mate dies and mourn and not eat for weeks and weeks, so how are we any different?
Now I think I’ve got the answer.
It’s our complexity.
How we can love and hate at the same time, laugh and cry at once, hopelessly daydream in the midst of depressing over something.
How we have two extremes – we can be so cruel and heartless yet be so filled with compassion and selflessness at times it never ceases to amaze me how so we can be. We can be so innocent like a child, yet be so wise like a 100 year old man who’s lived through two wars and has stories to tell.
How we are a fighter – we are so vulnerable yet so resilient. We are so weak yet so strong.
The vast variation of emotions is not the only thing – I think it’s probably how intense our emotional stamina can be, how a memory can still haunt us fifty years down the road, how we can remember, how we have a romantic relationship with nostalgia.
Sometimes, we are so complicated, and feel so much that we can’t even begin to describe what we are feeling or explain why we feel this way. But we have been trying to for so long with poems, plays, stories and songs, and that’s the beauty of it. Will we ever begin to fully understand ourselves? Perhaps it’s the struggle to understand ourselves and our relationship with our environment that makes life have the potential to be so fulfilling. We have so much potential, but we can get so distracted, and sometimes we don’t even realize.
It’s our complexity that gives us the freedom to choose, to choose who we want to be, and how we want to live. It’s blessed us with the ability to keep replaying memories, to remember and never forget who we are and what made us who we are.
I guess all my searching for answers in life has made me appreciate who I am and what I have, and I am grateful that I am a creature of complexity. That I have been blessed with so many choices in life, and that I am able to remember all the people who have entered, left or stayed on in my life and taught me things about the world and myself.
That’s my thought of the day. (This should trend more! TOTD, anyone?)
See you when my finals are over. TWO MORE DAYS TO A SUMMER OF FREEDOM!!!